Monthly Archives: September 2012

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Love Your Body—In the Bathtub!

Lisa Vincent, who is featured in our Overcoming Jealousy course, graciously allowed us to share this story of her experience reading the "Loving Your Body" chapter of The Soulmate Experience in her bathtub. Learn more about Lisa, and her "Loving Your Body" workshops inspired by the book, at LisaVincentLifeCoaching.com.

Perfect timing. I had spent a very long work day at my computer and was totally exhausted. I wanted to drop immediately into bed. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the evening when I looked over and saw the bathtub. It called to me. I was staying at a friend’s place, and my home for the past two years only had a shower. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to do more this exciting Friday night, than lay in that bathtub and read The Soulmate Experience.

I didn’t know when I began reading the second chapter, “Loving Your Body,” that I could not have created a better setting than lying naked in a pool of shallow, warm water, unable to avoid the entirety of my nakedness. Little did I know that during this reading session I would not only be physically naked, but that the exercises in this chapter would lovingly undress me into emotional nudity as well.

Loving my body was something I had been working toward for a very long time. I had spent most of my life being verbally and emotionally abusive to myself – mind, body, and spirit. I found the exercises in The Soulmate Experience that coach you into loving your body to be extremely powerful.

One of the exercises is to choose very specific body parts and study them: identify what role they play in your life, appreciate them, thank them, love them. I started, as the book suggests, with my hands. I sometimes looked at my hands in disdain because the skin that covers them is not as thick and resilient as it once was, causing wrinkles and the ability to see more clearly the veins that carry blood through my body. As I soaked in the tub, looking at the amazing hands that allowed me to type this very post, the hands that held my only child, the fingers that ran through past lovers’ hair, I felt immense gratitude and love. It was as if I separated ME from my hands. I looked at them as an entirely separate entity. Like an old, beloved friend.

As I studied my hands, I suddenly remembered sitting on my Grannie’s lap as a child, holding her hand in mine and tracing her pronounced veins with my finger. One of those times, my mother saw this and told me that what I was doing was rude. My grandmother must have loved and accepted her hands, or maybe it was me she loved and accepted, because she told my mother that it was all right and allowed me to continue tracing.

I had no idea, at this young age, that protruding veins were not considered beautiful. I loved this part of my Grannie’s body. I loved the way her smooth, shiny, veiny hands looked and felt in mine. Who decided that these features were anything less than magnificent? And when did I start believing it? If I thought of my Grannie as beautiful then, can I think of myself as beautiful now?

This series of thoughts extended to the rest of my body. The book mentions a woman being grateful for her soft belly that had once protected her unborn child. I contemplated this as I reclined naked, pushing into the softness of my own belly. I began to weep in gratitude for all of the parts of my body that worked perfectly together to create and deliver my own cherished child. This belly of mine represents the MIRACLE that occurred there. How could this piece of me, which played such an important part of something so miraculous, deserve anything less than my reverence?

If negative thoughts about my hands and my belly were lies, then what other lies had I believed? Is that small roll of flesh on my back, below my bra, really that bad? And what about my thighs? Is anything less than perfectly smooth flesh really disgusting? Would I have thought so as a child if no one had told me it was? Are my legs any less worthy of love, appreciation, and gratitude for carrying me around all of these years? Will my lover still enjoy having these legs wrapped around him during a passionate night of lovemaking? How could the distraction of not loving this part of my body inhibit that passion?

Do the imperfections of these body parts mean that I am not sexy? Oh no, folks. I AM SEXY. The Soulmate Experience explains a mirror exercise. The goal in this exercise is to see your body as a whole. Although I did not immediately practice this, I can tell you that it works. In my Bikram yoga practice, I come face-to-face with myself in the mirror, in form-fitting clothes, and watch myself twist into very interesting positions on a regular basis. When I first started this practice, I was obsessed with what I saw as the flaws of my individual body parts. Then, one day, I saw MYSELF. I was struck by the realization of my beautiful form. I stood in awe at the awareness of my body as a whole. Now, when I pass a full-length mirror, I make it a point to stop and appreciate the shape of my sexy body.

The “Loving Your Body” chapter does not focus only on appearance; I just strongly relate to that. It also encourages you to care for yourself. Listen to your body. Attend to its physical needs. Develop a caring, loving relationship with yourself.

I knew before reading the “Loving Your Body” chapter of The Soulmate Experience that it is important to care for, love, and accept my body, but following the exercises encouraged me to take the time necessary to deeply consider the concepts within. The awakening I had around the way I felt toward my body was invaluable. My body is my home. It’s where I live. Shouldn’t we all be comfortable, happy, and at peace in our own homes?

Lisa Vincent is a life coach and co-developed the online course Overcoming Jealousy. Contact her through TwitterFacebook, or her website for a free 20-minute consultation to see how she can help you to love your body, embrace a healthy lifestyle, quiet self-judgement and criticism, overcome jealousy, insecurity, or loneliness, release unhealthy partnerships, produce loving relationships, and create a more peaceful, joyful experience of life.

Mali & Joe are the authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships and creators of Mantras for Making Love and Overcoming Jealousy.

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Mantras for Making Love

The author of this tender letter, the very first review of our brand new CD download, Mantras for Making Love, has graciously allowed us to share it with you.

As far as sexual experiences go, mine have been far from pleasant… a lifetime of sexual abuse. Sex has NEVER been pleasurable, at all. I have never experienced an orgasm.

Listening to Mantras for Making Love was a lesson for me, a long-awaited lesson. Obviously I already knew that the experiences that I have had in life were not accepted in society as normal. I wasn’t shut off from the outside world: I had friends, heard them talk about their relationships and sex lives etc., so it’s not that I was naïve enough to not know the difference but [the abuse I endured] was MY norm and I had no way to break that norm…

My point here is that listening to the mantras opened up a whole new world for me that I never knew existed. “Honor and pleasure to explore your desires with you” — for me sex was always about the other person, what they desired, them taking what they wanted. I got to the point where I left my body, let them do what they wanted and pretended it wasn’t happening. It was over quicker that way and I was hurt less.

The words “spiritual connection through our physical connection” is a foreign concept to me but one that sounds so spiritually and physically safe that even I would want to do it! The choice of phrases is remarkable. “In this loving space you are safe to try out being anyone with me,” “I am here to create a brand new experience with you tonight,” “my deepest desire is for you to open up and know yourself as a fully sexual man/woman,” “intention for our souls to unite”…

It doesn’t matter what stage of a relationship a couple is in, these mantras will be of use to them. Old, young, starting out in a relationship, together for a lifetime, trying to reconnect or reclaim their passion. These mantras will make people feel comfortable, at ease, will give them focus, encourage a feeling of openness and safety in the relationship, and improve communication.

I swore I would never have a physical relationship with anyone, ever again. What I just listened to makes me want to experience that. It has dispelled much of my fear. It makes me believe that sex and intimacy can be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. It makes me believe that a physical connection is so much more than just the act of intercourse and that spirit and soul have as much to do with it as anatomy, if not more. It makes me believe that I am worthy of experiencing that connection with someone and also that it is not as impossible as I allowed myself to believe that it was.

After listening to it, I know that I need to do work to fix myself. I am not as emotionally or physically broken as I thought I was. Mantras for Making Love is something I will use when I find myself ready to explore the physical side of a relationship with someone. It is something I believe will help me create a safe place in which to move forward and something that will be of immense help to me in creating, experiencing, maintaining and enjoying a healthy physical relationship.

There is no doubt in my mind or in my heart that the magic people discover through you two will stay in their hearts and that the water of life will never be still; the ripples will continue forever.

Mantras for Making Love—soul-opening mantras and affirmations to create a space for profound intimacy and infuse your lovemaking with more connection, more passion, and more pleasure—is available here.