healing | Mali & Joe

If you're experiencing conflict, disagreements, or other communication issues in your relationship, you might take a look at the new book Kiss Your Fights Good-Bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf, aka Dr. Love, shares in clear, understandable language her truly powerful method for healing destructive patterns of relating and transforming conflict into connection. What we think makes this book so special is that she’s willing to go deep into the trenches with you, help you assess exactly what’s been keeping you there, and then, step by step, help you free yourself again.

There's a lot of great information here, like:

Why we get into negative conflict and communication patterns in the first place
Why we can tend to misinterpret our partner’s words and actions in the most negative way
How to break through negative—and often unconscious—communication patterns
Why biological differences between the sexes can lead to poor communication patterns, and how to use that knowledge to increase connection
Ways to identify behaviors that cause conflicts to spiral out of control
How to recognize and defuse common “fight traps,” like scorekeeping, globalizing, power plays, and guilt trips
How to determine when old traumas or wounds are contributing to your conflict and start on your path to healing them

Here's just one of her powerful suggestions:

The next time you and your mate have a conflict discussion, turn on a voice recorder. Try to forget that it’s running and speak naturally. Then listen to yourselves afterward. Honestly examine how you both sound. I bet you’ll be surprised.

Even if you don’t often fight, we think this book is insightful for anyone who wants to understand more about how to make a good relationship great or turn conflict with anyone—like family, friends, and co-workers—into deeper connection.

Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships, 52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover, and creators of Mantras for Making Love

The author of this tender letter, the very first review of our brand new CD download, Mantras for Making Love, has graciously allowed us to share it with you.

As far as sexual experiences go, mine have been far from pleasant… a lifetime of sexual abuse. Sex has NEVER been pleasurable, at all. I have never experienced an orgasm.

Listening to Mantras for Making Love was a lesson for me, a long-awaited lesson. Obviously I already knew that the experiences that I have had in life were not accepted in society as normal. I wasn’t shut off from the outside world: I had friends, heard them talk about their relationships and sex lives etc., so it’s not that I was naïve enough to not know the difference but [the abuse I endured] was MY norm and I had no way to break that norm…

My point here is that listening to the mantras opened up a whole new world for me that I never knew existed. “Honor and pleasure to explore your desires with you” — for me sex was always about the other person, what they desired, them taking what they wanted. I got to the point where I left my body, let them do what they wanted and pretended it wasn’t happening. It was over quicker that way and I was hurt less.

The words “spiritual connection through our physical connection” is a foreign concept to me but one that sounds so spiritually and physically safe that even I would want to do it! The choice of phrases is remarkable. “In this loving space you are safe to try out being anyone with me,” “I am here to create a brand new experience with you tonight,” “my deepest desire is for you to open up and know yourself as a fully sexual man/woman,” “intention for our souls to unite”…

It doesn’t matter what stage of a relationship a couple is in, these mantras will be of use to them. Old, young, starting out in a relationship, together for a lifetime, trying to reconnect or reclaim their passion. These mantras will make people feel comfortable, at ease, will give them focus, encourage a feeling of openness and safety in the relationship, and improve communication.

I swore I would never have a physical relationship with anyone, ever again. What I just listened to makes me want to experience that. It has dispelled much of my fear. It makes me believe that sex and intimacy can be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. It makes me believe that a physical connection is so much more than just the act of intercourse and that spirit and soul have as much to do with it as anatomy, if not more. It makes me believe that I am worthy of experiencing that connection with someone and also that it is not as impossible as I allowed myself to believe that it was.

After listening to it, I know that I need to do work to fix myself. I am not as emotionally or physically broken as I thought I was. Mantras for Making Love is something I will use when I find myself ready to explore the physical side of a relationship with someone. It is something I believe will help me create a safe place in which to move forward and something that will be of immense help to me in creating, experiencing, maintaining and enjoying a healthy physical relationship.

There is no doubt in my mind or in my heart that the magic people discover through you two will stay in their hearts and that the water of life will never be still; the ripples will continue forever.

Mantras for Making Love—soul-opening mantras and affirmations to create a space for profound intimacy and infuse your lovemaking with more connection, more passion, and more pleasure—is available here.

Tag : healing

Kiss Your Fights Good-Bye: A Book Review

Mantras for Making Love