Tag : love

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Overcoming Jealousy: One Woman’s Personal Journey

The creator of the blog I Am a Love Addict (and on twitter at @iamaloveaddictgenerously shares her experiences with our Overcoming Jealousy 23-day online course. After taking the course, she says, "I feel like a new woman!"

What was your experience with jealousy before you took the course—why were you interested in taking it?

Too often we get caught in our own preconceived notions of how we believe things ought to be. In the past, I spent a lot of time trying to modify my feelings and actions in an attempt to influence someone else’s behavior. I believed I needed to act a certain way in order to receive the love and acknowledgement I desired from my partner. Through this belief, I lost authenticity. I must have appeared to have a split personality, as I could never be consistent with this facade.

"365 Days of Happiness" by Qiqi LiThe need to be myself, but the inability to do so is when jealousy peaked.

The truth is, playing so many different characters throughout my life had depleted my knowledge of self. So, I was drawn to partners whom seemingly were true to themselves and could possibly show me the way.

Much later, I realized their appearance of self-confidence was a disguise, masking more pain than I had ever experienced in my entire life. You can imagine my surprise when these choice partners were emotionally unavailable. Astonishment quickly turned into unhappiness, which encouraged more jealousy due to my dysfunctional way of thinking about relationships.

I believed I was not good enough, or that I must have done something wrong. Perhaps, they finally noticed my lack of self-confidence. My thoughts continuously revolved around, “it must be me”.

I chose to take the Overcoming Jealousy course to free myself from this emotional prison. I felt stuck.

What was something surprising you discovered about yourself through the course?

Surprisingly, I learned that in most cases I was more envious than jealous. I envied the qualities I believed my partner possessed.

The more distant my partner became, the more unattractive, unintelligent, uncertain, uninspiring, unimaginative…envious, I felt.

What was the most significant thing you learned through the course?

Through the course, I am learning to observe the actions of people (leaving all preconceived notions at the door). I am no longer seeking a partner that will define who I am.

I am also learning to forgive. Forgiving myself for the mistakes I’ve made is giving me strength to stand and not become a doormat in exchange for my shortcomings.

Finally, with the tools I have from this course, I am learning not to measure self-worth based on how good or bad someone else treats me.

"Spring Romance" by Qiqi LiNow that you’ve taken the course, how are you inspired to approach your relationships differently in the future?

I am confident that I will approach, romantic and platonic, relationships with a renewed outlook. I am truly excited about the type partner I will attract due to my new acceptance of who I am.

How might what you learned through the course affect other areas of your life?

Learning to put a positive spin on insecure feelings that may arise will grant me the spirit I need to keep moving forward in all aspects of life!

As I journey toward recovery from what is considered "love addiction," I am moving toward total positive mind, body and spirit health. I am proud to say that I have always taken pride in developing good/healthy eating habits. I do believe that food is medicine. Currently, I am working on incorporating, eating and fitness tips on my blog. This will help keep me on track, and perhaps bring others along for the ride. I look forward to continued growth and seeking education on healthy relationships with others, but most importantly myself.

Artwork courtesy Qiqi Li, www.etsy.com/shop/QiQiGallery.

In gratitude for your willingness to share your experiences so that others may also free themselves from this often-debilitating emotion. ~Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover
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A Love Story: The Romance Behind the Romance Novelist

Nina Ceves is the indie published author of several romance novels. Find out more at www.ninaceves.com and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ninacevesromancenovels.

How did you meet, and how did you know this relationship was special?

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. He was in the wedding band. The rest is history! Our love story. I remember sitting with my friends, and feeling as though someone were looking at me. You know that feeling? I turned, and saw him. At that point, I did not know he was in the band. I thought he must be someone's boyfriend. I looked away. I felt so flustered, I actually got up, went to the bar for a glass of water, and went outside. He followed me. I made a joke. He laughed. I was only twenty-two years old with no interest in falling in love, and it happened right then. When I went home that night, I couldn't make sense of it. But, I didn't want to. I just knew. And every moment of that summer, as we first got to know one another, I could see what an incredibly special person he is.

Do you feel that you're connected on a soul level?

one month standYes. It is something inexplicable. I feel that my love for my husband will last forever, that our souls are timeless and so our love is timeless. In one of my novels, One Month Stand, the character Theo describes how he felt, the moment he met Ever, who is the woman he has fallen in love with:

"From the moment I met you, I felt there was a magnet within me, undiscovered until you walked up to me, asking if I wanted cake. The magnet drew me to you; I felt you had an answering shard within you, and they were pulling us together, to meet at the heart. Every moment since then, that pull grows stronger. For me. I love, I love the light and dark of you…"

What passions do you share?

We have a passion for laughter. I don't know why, but we make each other laugh so much. I tell him things that happen to me, or thoughts I have, and he laughs so hard. I feel as though I can share whatever quirky thing passes through my thoughts and he just *gets* it. He gets me. I think he is extremely funny and he cracks me up, just with his take on the world, his experiences, and how he relates them so comically.

Creativity is another shared passion. We both value it tremendously. My husband has always encouraged me to make time to write, and is so happy for me, so sincerely happy for me, that I'm now publishing, sharing what I'm writing. He is an incredibly gifted musician and I see how hard he works at it, and how much joy it brings him.

Tell us about one of the most soulful experiences you've had together.

One time, in the Sierras, we stretched on the ground, staring up at the sky as night fell. Then, bats started flying overhead. They were so beautiful, silhouetted against the twilight. Somehow, it was such a still, lovely moment, full of wonder, and I was so glad it was just the two of us together sharing it.

Dreaming Silas

Truly, nothing can compare to meeting our child for the first time. That morning, before sunrise, felt holy. The two of us together and then the three of us. My husband made up a song for our child on the spot. I'll never forget it.

How do you benefit from being in your relationship?

My husband helps me be the best version of myself and he says the same of me. He challenges me, gently. He protects me. He cares for me. He puts my happiness before his. I know he would lay down his life for me, in a heartbeat. That kind of love and loyalty? I'll never take it for granted. It blows me away. And I give it right back.

Our child sees that she has two parents who love one another deeply and love her unconditionally.

Do you feel that you have a shared purpose for being together?

I love this question, and I wish I knew. I wonder if that will be revealed over time. My husband and I both value kindness, and we try to practice that, if that doesn't sound weird, in any interaction that it is possible to do so.

What challenge have you faced together, and how did you find your way through them?

Illness, deaths, losses: life has its challenges, its ups and downs. I have had to learn to share my feelings and ask for the kind of help that I needed from my husband. He had to learn to be there for me when he could not fix things. We've learned so, so much about how to be there for each other. He knows I am beside him, no matter what. And I know he is with me, too. That connection means so much, there are barely words to describe the depth of my gratitude and appreciation for that.

What are you learning in your relationship right now?

I am learning how lucky, how blessed I am and just to savor that. I am learning how in love I am — the depth of that connection — and always will be. I am learning that a relationship can grow even better and better.

How do you keep your connection strong?

Shared laughter, heart to heart talks, wordless touches and looks . . . and I flirt outrageously, but only with my husband.

ninaIf you’ve read The Soulmate Experience, what ideas or suggestions have been most helpful to you? 

The entire book is highlighted, practically! There are so many insightful and practical ways of looking at growing closer, I loved it. If I had to choose just one, I would say: invitation instead of expectation. I loved the way that has helped me look at a few things in my relationship with my husband. Well, I can't just pick one, so I'll also add: how would this be if I were coming from a place of love? That has helped me so much, too. Oh, and just one more: the concept of the honored guest. That's so beautiful and so true. These three examples are just amazingly helpful and practical but they go to a very deep, spiritual level. They have truly helped me become a better wife to my husband if that doesn't sound too dorky...

What advice can you offer other couples to help them keep their connection strong?

Don't be scared. Or, be scared. Go ahead, but don't stop connecting, trying, reaching out, being brave, expressing yourself. Being vulnerable can be scary, and true love has a way of making you face your innermost fears. Don't shut down, don't start to skim on the surface of routine and responsibilities.

What advice can you offer single people who desire a relationship like yours?

Believe that its out there. Believe that you deserve it, because you do.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with us?

I just have to merely think about kissing my husband and I get butterflies. We've been together over twenty years. I love him more every day.

With so much love in my soul, how could I not write romance novels, full of tenderness, heat, awkward vulnerability, tears, and laughter?

Thank you, Nina, for sharing your love story with us! ~Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover, and creators of Mantras for Making Love

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Doing My Work

Marie Franklin lives with her husband in Portland, Oregon. They met 10 years ago and have been madly in love ever since. Marie is a matchmaker who wants to help others find their Soulmate Experiences, too!

SME at Book Passage

If you have started down a path in search of the Truth, then you know that certain books will present themselves to you along the way as you increase your understanding.

The Soulmate Experience is one of those books.

I’m a highly spiritual person and have been reading and looking for whatever “the real Truth is” my whole life. And I found rather quickly that if you do sincerely seek the Truth, you will stumble down a path and find it. It is not an overnight journey for most of us. For me, although I’ve been at it my whole life, I am just now really getting somewhere.

The first thing you learn on this path is that all answers must come from within. Which is really confusing, especially when you are holding a book in your hand outside of your body, and it is telling you that the answers you seek are within you. So you respond with “Huh? If the answers were within me then I would already know what I am trying to learn!”

And the next thing you find out is, yes you do already know what you are trying to learn. The Truth is held forever safe and sacred in a spot within you.

Then you find out that in order to find that sacred spot, you must “do your work.”

Your work will be different from anyone else’s work, and you’re the only one who can do yours. But if you do it… if you really do your work and complete most of it… literal treasure awaits you.

Emotional treasure.

The Soulmate Experience is a book for people who are ready to do their work. I think everyone could benefit from this book’s cool and beautiful tone and message. But readers who are on the path to Truth and who are ready and willing to work at the soul level will probably be greatly affected by this book.

As I read it, I was reminded again about so many Truths I have learned along my path.

Be in the present moment.

Treat everyone as a guest.

Release all guilt and resentments.

Don’t play negative tapes in your head all day.

Feel your gratitude.

SMEcafegratitudevenice

When you have begun to do your work, the list above is easier. I’m so glad I found this book right here on my path, because I have at least done enough work to come back to these practices and put them back into place. I haven’t done enough work yet that it is habit to have these in place, though. But I intend to get there. The Soulmate Experience is clearly the right step for me at this time.

When you really are present and loving and treating your life partner as your honored guest, you begin to feel that spot within you. That spot within you where the Truth is forever protected and waiting for you to find it again. When you engage on the soul level you feel yourself begin remember these important truths.

The authors are clearly people who are farther on down the path than I am. They are exactly the type of calm and centered loving people who can really use manifestation techniques well, because they understand how they work and why. After reading the book I went and watched a few clips of Joe and Mali in the Media section of their website, just to get to know them a little better. Seeing them for a few moments, I felt like I knew them and that I could trust them. When people do their work and get on down the path a bit, they can help the rest of us, sometimes just by their mere presence. You can see that they are at peace, and you know that peace might rub off on you a bit.

Readers who may have never been exposed to such metaphysical concepts will be amazed at what is presented in this book. I can imagine it could actually prompt someone onto their own path to Truth.

I am drawn to this book on many levels. The first one is that I am in a Soulmate Experience right now, every day! I am married to the man of my dreams and we are in love on the deep, soul level the book describes. When Joe and Mali are telling us what they “know” about romantic relationships, you can feel their love for each other, but also their ability to love in general. This shines through the book and helps the reader engage with their inner, deepest capacity for love.

Another level this book appeals to me is in the realm of romantic relationships, because I am a dating coach and matchmaker. I can’t wait to give this book to certain clients who I know will be able to use it! For some, this book could be a life changer. If a person can clear the space in their lives for their “guest,” then amazing things can happen.

SMEonthedeck

The book emphasizes that to engage on a soul level, you have to believe that you deserve it. This is hard for some people. So many of us have felt held back by life or cheated out of good things, especially romantic relationships. Then you don’t know if it is chicken or egg. Did I end up with poor results in the past because I didn’t really think I deserved true love, or did I really not deserve true love and that’s why I didn’t find it? It is easy for some people to feel that they are not deserving must be the answer.

But this feeling can be overcome and if you do overcome it, you’re going to be so much more likely to find that love you deserve. When you know you deserve it, your path opens up to better possibilities for you. This is true in so many other areas of life, but particularly in manifesting a truly loving relationship.

I’m pretty good at manifesting, but I still have a lot of work to do. Reading The Soulmate Experience reminded me to get more of my work done. I have so much still to do, and I know that if I do it, the type of relationship experiences Joe and Mali promise can happen, will happen. I have had enough glimpses in my life to know that I’m almost there.

This book is about Soulmate Experiences in the truest sense. We all have souls, and we can all experience each other on that level. It does not even have to be in the form of a romantic relationship, but when it is, it is like Heaven.

Marie, we honestly can't thank you enough for taking the time to share your experience with our Experience. Love and gratitude, Mali & Joe

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Will You Dare? An Ongoing Love Story

This guest post is by Sky Blossoms, author of the new book Best Thing Ever: Escape Disappointments and Drama and Let True Love Into Your Life.

We met in an idyllic spot aptly named Eden, located on the outskirts of the Sonora desert in Arizona. I had come with my friends to enjoy the hot springs and to take a break from my busy schedule in Los Angeles. Eden’s rustic environment is informal, and that morning my look was vastly different from my usual city makeup, high heels and designer clothes. My hair was loosely tied in a bun, I wore slippers and a robe, and a towel was draped around my neck. I was walking to take a dip in the pool.

On my way, I met a friendly guy with a chess set in his hands. He introduced himself and asked if I knew how to play. I loved playing chess, but for years I didn’t have anyone to play with.

Sky Blossoms Elated RelationshipsOur game had started and never ended… During that game he looked into my eyes and found what he had been looking for all along. He knew in an instant that I was the woman of his dreams. For me it took some time – a week to be exact. We got married in two months.

The day we met was truly magical – filled with miraculous synchronicities. If I were to write the most dazzling fictional love story, I couldn’t have come up with the impeccable scenario that had unfolded. I describe it in detail in my new book Best Thing Ever: Escape Disappointments and Drama and Let True Love Into Your Life.

The excitement of new Love always carries a mystical touch and delight. The real art is in crafting the daily miracles together for years to come. The intimate union becomes a magnifying glass of insecurities and fears. At the same time, it offers unmatched freedom and space of safety, Love, and total acceptance. You become naked not only in the bedroom – your bare soul gets exposed.

Sky_and_Aleksey

A conscious moment-to-moment co-creation of your partnership and a focused intent to open to Love even more becomes a constant practice. Commitment grows into Devotion – an ever-evolving recognition of the Divine in your Beloved that transcends form, time, and space.

This is why wrinkles and gray hair don’t matter anymore; this is why outer attributes and age become irrelevant.

True Love is actually EASY, because it is natural to our real essence. When we get tangled in insecurities and can’t find the key to our inner prison of fears, relationships seem tough. In reality, these challenges are nothing more than reflections of your inner struggles.

It has been my mission to help others break through confinements of limiting beliefs and unresolved traumas and to open fully to the freedom and bliss of True Love. This is what I teach, and this is what Best Thing Ever is about. It also features gems of wisdom from extraordinary couples like Mali Apple and Joe Dunn.

Nothing has been easier in my life than living together with my husband and maintaining our daily magic. We dream together and craft our lives by design. A few years ago we took a leap of faith, left our full-time jobs and went to travel the world following our creative pursuits. It is an ongoing adventure, exploration, and evolution.

I’d like to share a remarkable game with you that my husband and I played a lot before we even moved in together. No, I’m not talking about chess ;-). During our phone conversations, we took turns describing to each other a day from our future life together. We were dreaming! We were unleashing our imagination and reveling in the idea. The fascinating part is that some time later, many of those scenarios which we enthusiastically designed over the phone, became our real experiences! We truly live our dreams.

Dare to dream! Dare to believe in Love! Dare to want and to expect the extraordinary!

You were born magnificent; claim your birthright to be happy! You deserve your own blissful and soulful relationship, and only you can make it happen!

Will you dare?

BestThingEverSky Blossoms is a sought-after personal guide known for catapulting her clients into the next orbit of personal happiness. Her uncanny talent allows her to see beyond the surface challenge and catalyze a shift in energy and consciousness. Sky’s natural gift is combined with a medical degree and more than a decade of studying psychology, human behavior, traditional modalities, and metaphysical approaches. Find out more at www.BestThingEver.com.

We dare, Sky! ~Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships, 52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover, and creators of Mantras for Making Love

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Is There a Soul Mate for Me?

Excerpted with permission from the new book Best Thing Ever: Escape Disappointments and Drama and Let True Love Into Your Life by Sky Blossoms, for which we were interviewed. 

When I was about eleven years old, I watched my very first soap opera. The main heroine met the man of her dreams, but soon after that, he tragically died. About twenty episodes later, she met someone else and fell in love again. This was shocking to my childish idealism. How could she be with another person? Isn’t there only one perfect mate for each of us? Don’t you meet your prince, fall in love with him, and live happily ever after?

I grew up understanding that we are not limited to a sole path of happiness, and our lives can take different turns and be joyously shared with more than one partner. It was liberating to realize that we are not bound to a single person for contentment and a blissful life. However, the question then becomes, if we have no pre-determined mate, what makes someone the right partner or the one?

BestThingEverSimply put, it is a mate with whom you can fulfill the purpose of your relationship. Whether a reason behind your romantic union is to experience fun and adventure, or lust and passion, or to feel secure and gain financial benefits, or to have children, the right partner is someone who can help you accomplish your goals. When you yearn for a multidimensional experience—a genuine and soulful connection on every level: physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual—the definition of the love of your life also becomes multifaceted.

In this case, the one is a chosen partner with whom you can craft a delightful and lasting relationship and create a truly wonderful and exciting life. Such a romantic union will enrich the lives of both of you in every single way. Your hearts will open to each other, and your aims, goals, and values will be in alignment. You will evoke the best in one another and become a mutual source of inspiration and encouragement. Each of you will feel more empowered and shine your brightest, reach for new heights and have more clarity than ever before. Loving your mate will feel like you are expanding. Your communication will be seamless, and your attraction will be very strong.

When your mutual love and deep appreciation grow, the two of you will frequently feel as one, as if your very souls intertwine and saturate each other. This kind of kinship is often called “soul mates,” because your affinity is much more profound than similar interests and sexual chemistry. The one for you is the mirror of who you are. In order to recognize him, you have to see yourself clearly, feel your core, or your eternal essence, know your power, and keep your heart open to love.

Becoming the authentic—and thus best—version of yourself is all the work you’ll ever have to do for your relationship. The Life-giving Creative Source of the Universe will take care of the rest, including attracting the mate of your dreams. And yes, there is a person, perhaps more than one, who is waiting to become your blissful co-creator of whatever experiences you desire.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
A Course in Miracles by Helen Schucman and William Thetford

Sky_BlossomsSky Blossoms is a sought-after personal guide known for catapulting her clients into the next orbit of personal happiness. Her uncanny talent allows her to see beyond the surface challenge and catalyze a shift in energy and consciousness. Sky’s natural gift is combined with a medical degree and more than a decade of studying psychology, human behavior, traditional modalities, and metaphysical approaches. Find out more at www.BestThingEver.com.

Thank you for including us in your beautiful book, Sky! ~Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships, 52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover, and creators of Mantras for Making Love

 

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Loving and Lasting: How to Stay Tuned In and Turned On in Your Marriage

This guest post is from Ande Lyons, editor of the brand new book Loving and Lasting: How to Stay Tuned In and Turned On in Your Marriage, which we contributed to.

Do you want a more meaningful and fulfilling marriage—one where you feel deeply connected emotionally, spiritually, and physically? Seriously, do you?

Do you want to reignite the passion, eroticism, and romance you and your partner shared when you met?

In Loving and Lasting you’ll find the best advice from 20 of my favorite love experts. So get that fire extinguisher ready—these experts are ready to share it all—what really works to quickly get you tuned in and turned on in your marriage!

You’ll learn how to:

* Rediscover intimacy, sexual excitement, and physical pleasure
* Fall in love again with your spouse
* Communicate better and release negativity
* Find out what really turns you on—and excites your spouse
* Recover from past infidelities
* Create an erotic, romantic relationship

My passion for helping others bring intimacy and sexual excitement into their lives comes from what I’ve experienced in my own relationship with my sweetheart husband. Through all of life’s interesting turns, I’ve stayed committed to learning how to keep intimacy, sexual excitement, and pleasure vibrant and alive in our 25-plus year relationship. Believe me, this book has everything you need to get your marriage tuned in and turned on!

You’ll get one idea after another that will help you rapidly transform your relationship from average ho-hum to sweet love and crazy lust YUM!

The first 10 chapters help you “Tune In.” You’ll find “need-to-know” secrets for newlyweds, how to understand your man, tips to fall in love all over again, and exercises to help you release resentments and frustrations that can easily build up in any long-term relationship.

The second 10 chapters help you “Turn On!” You’ll love ideas like “how to be the chief sex officer in your marriage,” “how to have sex with your clothes on,” and “how to have more sex with your husband.” There’s even a chapter on introducing erotic play, toys, and BDSM into the bedroom!

Ready for a more vibrant, connected, and sexually satisfying marriage? Then click here to purchase a copy of Loving and Lasting!

Do you have some tips and ideas for staying tuned in and turned on in your long term relationship? YAY! Please share them in the comment section below - we'd love to read them - MUAH!

© 2013 Ande Lyons – Bring Back Desire LLC

Ande Lyons
Ande Lyons is certainly familiar with the cry of ‘someone stole my sex drive!’ She and her husband have been loving each other for 27 years and, after navigating ALL the turbulent waves of life events, they’re still turned on and tuned in – with each other.

As the founder and Chief Passion Curator for BringBackDesire.com, she tastefully and playfully shares tips, tools and resources with women who want more sexual excitement in their lives. Ande is the host of After Dark Radio Show, where she helps couples stay tuned in through her engaging and informative conversations with sexperts and relationship experts.

An enthusiastic and experienced entrepreneur with an MBA and several successful businesses to her credit, Ande is enjoying a well-balanced life (really!) managing her growing business while raising two wonderful boys with her darling husband.

Thank you, Ande—we're thrilled to be a part of your very insightful—not to mention spicy!—new book. ~Mali & Joe, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships52 Prescriptions for Happiness, and the upcoming book The Soulmate Lover, and creators of Mantras for Making Love